Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Brown: Thanksgiving is dying.


It's so sad to see how secondary family life has become. Whatever happened to treasuring sitting around the dinner table discussing the day without the TV blasting? When did it become OK to miss a milestone in a baby's development? When did we start believing that "quality time" was a good substitute for quantity of time? Whatever happened to putting family first before personal goals and desires?

What about holidays? For years you see the cries that fall on deaf ears from people saying holidays have become about shopping and not about family. Now it's getting even worse. As I did a little shopping myself this past week, I saw signs on several retail chains claiming in big, bold letters that they would be open Thanksgiving Day. Even fast food joints boasted this in several signs in their windows and doors. However, I see no one outraged, no one worried. If anything, I see people sighing in relief! How much further will we support the death of family traditions? When will we say enough is enough? There's no balance anymore. The balance keeps tilting and if you say something it's as if you're too old fashioned or too conservative or too whatever! The point is, the outrage is directed at those of us who criticize this change in society not those of us who wish to preserve the value of family.

I believe in seeing life in different colors. Black and white are not realistic. I know that Thanksgiving is just another day like any other and family togetherness should not be confined to the holidays, it's more than that. But it's moves like these that slowly corrode the framework of a family-centered society. Little by little we are moving towards a society of loners, self-centered individuals looking for fans instead of friends and forgetting the importance of family. In this country people live to work instead of working to live. The layer of people's superficial attitude is becoming callus and hard beyond penetration. The it's-all-about-me mentality is what rules the minds of most people these days. My life, my happiness, my goals, my orgasms, me, mine, my. Has it ever occurred to anyone that helping others, that looking to serve others is the true key to happiness? When we are focused on ourselves and our feelings and our desires we are bound to be constantly disappointed. However, if we look to help our family, our children, our community happiness is a guarantee. When you open your horizons to the bigger picture and focus on what's really important you can rest assured you will feel more rewarded and valuable than going around in your designer clothes and luxury car.

Now back to this holiday. In a few years I'm sure many businesses who stood strong and closed on Thanksgiving to allow their employees to be home with family will have to open their doors to stay competitive and stay in business. So where will it end? Soon we'll have no right to take a day off for any religious holiday and the 4th of July will die too. We'll probably work all weekend too and there will be no time or energy left to raise and nurture future generations. Hey! But that's OK cause at least those kids will have the best of everything, right? College education, designer clothes and all the wealth we never had. Cause that's why we work, right? To give them what we never had, a better life. Because mom staying at home with you meant you had to wear last season's kicks and you totally got laughed at in school which scarred you for life, so you'll do anything to prevent your kids from going through that, even if it means they'll be deprived of time with a parent. It's worth it, right?

When will you say no, when will you fight back against the current? I'm trying my best and I feel alone at this. I know no one really understands my decision to cramp my family of three is a small, one-bedroom apartment. I see it like this: if I have to sacrifice a bigger home, money, clothes and career success just to be there for my son I will have lived a good life and I can die tomorrow certain of that.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

White: the color of change


One year ago I set out on a journey. My life was, for a moment, a white canvas. I looked upon my future, for the first time in a long time I had no idea what lay ahead. On Nov 9th, 2009 I left my seemingly perfect life in the US to live in Torino, Italy. It was one crazy decision, sell everything and move to a strange land -- new language, a new culture and even a new climate. What happened in the year I lived there has changed me entirely. Becoming a mom is always life-changing but add to that changing everything else in your life at the same time. All I had were my clothes, my mac and my hubby, everything else was different. I went from a three-bedroom home on a lake and a lot and half to a mansarda (a fancy name for a tiny studio apartment). I swaped my pimped out ride for the bus. I changed my shopping habits and became even more frugal! All to live that simple life I searched for so badly. You see, being rich is not about having the most money, its about living life within your means and savoring every bite. How can you do that? You can be happy for the low, low price of zero if you just take a moment to enjoy what you already have. What a concept!

White, what is white all about? It's the opportunity of constant reinvention. You have the power to change your life and you can choose to wait until that moment you say you will do it (ie. when I save X amount of money, when I marry so and so, when I have kids, when...) OR you can stop thinking and do it now. Just set a date and do it. Close your eyes for a moment and picture the one thing you have always wanted to do. Is it moving somewhere? Is it learning something new? Changing your career? Anything, whatever your picturing, what's stopping you? Granted, some of what you are envisioning may involve a great deal of work and sacrifice but what is stopping you from starting? From walking towards your goal starting right now? Our biggest hurdle is ourselves. We place all these conditions and parameters in order to take that leap. Why would we sabotage ourselves? Because we operate on FEAR! Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of pain. But haven't we all failed, been rejected and felt pain anyway? So if in the process of reaching for that one adventure we stumble, we fall and we have to start over isn't it worth just knowing that you gave it your all? To know that if you die tomorrow and have no regrets, isn't it worth that risk? It was for me...

I had plenty to risk. I was two months pregnant, I was climbing the corporate ladder and I was attaining wealth and status at a very early stage in my life. All of it is now in the past. I have my son now, I no longer work (part or full time) and status and wealth are no longer in my radar. I risked it all and now I feel like I have a chance to live the life I was meant to live not the one I was pressured into living. We all have crazy dreams and we all have dreams we can pursue. You know the difference and you have the power to pursue them. Your life can become a white canvas when you so choose, you can start over on your own terms. Don't wait until life throws you a curve ball and you HAVE to change it, do it now and don't look back.

Money might be your second largest hurdle. Its a necessary evil, we all need and without it it's hard to get what we want. If your vision is centered on that then maybe that's what you need to change. Money, status and wealth was our design. Happiness is deeper than money. People cover up their sadness with objects but lose their souls in the process. Reach for love, reach for peace and true joy -- these things are free and available for you to attain when you're ready. Make those changes, you know what they are. Stability in things is overrated. Live life light! Discard the things that weigh you down and reach for the sun. Learn to love your life, it's a blank canvas, you add the color.