Life is the color we paint it

If we only realized that every moment is once-in-a-lifetime we'd invest in them fully. We'd laugh harder and cry faster, love more often than we judge, live fearlessly and take it all for what it's worth -- our life. Each moment makes up what we sum up to be a lifetime. Living like your dying is not easy for those of us who have the time to worry about the little things in life. Stop looking back and stop worrying about tomorrow, this moment right here, this second is precious for it will never come back and you can never change it. So, live like this second is precious. Cherish the people in your life and love them, truly love them. Because that is all you'll really care to have when you're old, the people you loved.

The color of resurgence

Life is like a bowl of spaghetti, it's only good if you stir the pot.

The color of Christmas

We hold on to traditions because they remind us of happy moments shared, because they are familiar and because they give us a sense of security. We also many times forget why we do the things we do -- why we buy presents, put up a tree and sing carols. I was telling a jewish friend of mine who told me he loves Christmas music that you'd have to be numb to dislike the festivities and traditions that come with Christmas... But what is this season really all about?

I'm not a "christian" anymore because to define myself by that label would be associating myself with some embarrassing behavior and some questionable characters; it's sad really. Moreover, if I were to openly talk to the "average" christian about my thoughts on some of the most controversial topics in theology they would, for the most part, probably call me a blasphemer... So I just reserve those hot topics to the limited few who are open and aren't easily scandalized. However, today I do want to share the true important things that make me who I am-- a Jesus Freak. You see, that may define me best. It's not a religion to me, because religious people (in general) make me nauseous. I read about Him because I was raised a Christian and I was taught to fear His wrath and look to him as someone who would judgingly expect me to follow every red letter.

Years later I see it all a bit different. I have read about many noble men I admire for different reasons and whose examples and teachings are worth looking up to -- Ghandi, Budah. And even men like Alexander The Great have had great impact in history and have shown character to be admired and even follow. So why Jesus? He impacted me most because he always showed a great balance of power and humility, love and discipline, respect and irreverence, drive and selflessness, strength and tenderness, sorrow and joy. To me He is the ultimate human, maybe that's why he was also God... maybe that's what the scriptures mean. Either way, I try to follow his example -- to love others as myself, to forego superficiality for the greater good and to be open to ALL kinds of people regardless of the labels that society defines them with. Selfless, humble and loving -- my aspiration and the colors of Christmas.

Brown: Thanksgiving is dying.

It's so sad to see how secondary family life has become. Whatever happened to treasuring sitting around the dinner table discussing the day without the TV blasting? When did it become OK to miss a milestone in a baby's development? When did we start believing that "quality time" was a good substitute for quantity of time? Whatever happened to putting family first before personal goals and desires?

What about holidays? For years you see the cries that fall on deaf ears from people saying holidays have become about shopping and not about family. Now it's getting even worse. As I did a little shopping myself this past week, I saw signs on several retail chains claiming in big, bold letters that they would be open Thanksgiving Day. Even fast food joints boasted this in several signs in their windows and doors. However, I see no one outraged, no one worried. If anything, I see people sighing in relief! How much further will we support the death of family traditions? When will we say enough is enough? There's no balance anymore. The balance keeps tilting and if you say something it's as if you're too old fashioned or too conservative or too whatever! The point is, the outrage is directed at those of us who criticize this change in society not those of us who wish to preserve the value of family.

I believe in seeing life in different colors. Black and white are not realistic. I know that Thanksgiving is just another day like any other and family togetherness should not be confined to the holidays, it's more than that. But it's moves like these that slowly corrode the framework of a family-centered society. Little by little we are moving towards a society of loners, self-centered individuals looking for fans instead of friends and forgetting the importance of family. In this country people live to work instead of working to live. The layer of people's superficial attitude is becoming callus and hard beyond penetration. The it's-all-about-me mentality is what rules the minds of most people these days. My life, my happiness, my goals, my orgasms, me, mine, my. Has it ever occurred to anyone that helping others, that looking to serve others is the true key to happiness? When we are focused on ourselves and our feelings and our desires we are bound to be constantly disappointed. However, if we look to help our family, our children, our community happiness is a guarantee. When you open your horizons to the bigger picture and focus on what's really important you can rest assured you will feel more rewarded and valuable than going around in your designer clothes and luxury car.

Now back to this holiday. In a few years I'm sure many businesses who stood strong and closed on Thanksgiving to allow their employees to be home with family will have to open their doors to stay competitive and stay in business. So where will it end? Soon we'll have no right to take a day off for any religious holiday and the 4th of July will die too. We'll probably work all weekend too and there will be no time or energy left to raise and nurture future generations. Hey! But that's OK cause at least those kids will have the best of everything, right? College education, designer clothes and all the wealth we never had. Cause that's why we work, right? To give them what we never had, a better life. Because mom staying at home with you meant you had to wear last season's kicks and you totally got laughed at in school which scarred you for life, so you'll do anything to prevent your kids from going through that, even if it means they'll be deprived of time with a parent. It's worth it, right?

When will you say no, when will you fight back against the current? I'm trying my best and I feel alone at this. I know no one really understands my decision to cramp my family of three is a small, one-bedroom apartment. I see it like this: if I have to sacrifice a bigger home, money, clothes and career success just to be there for my son I will have lived a good life and I can die tomorrow certain of that.

White: the color of change

One year ago I set out on a journey. My life was, for a moment, a white canvas. I looked upon my future, for the first time in a long time I had no idea what lay ahead. On Nov 9th, 2009 I left my seemingly perfect life in the US to live in Torino, Italy. It was one crazy decision, sell everything and move to a strange land -- new language, a new culture and even a new climate. What happened in the year I lived there has changed me entirely. Becoming a mom is always life-changing but add to that changing everything else in your life at the same time. All I had were my clothes, my mac and my hubby, everything else was different. I went from a three-bedroom home on a lake and a lot and half to a mansarda (a fancy name for a tiny studio apartment). I swaped my pimped out ride for the bus. I changed my shopping habits and became even more frugal! All to live that simple life I searched for so badly. You see, being rich is not about having the most money, its about living life within your means and savoring every bite. How can you do that? You can be happy for the low, low price of zero if you just take a moment to enjoy what you already have. What a concept!

White, what is white all about? It's the opportunity of constant reinvention. You have the power to change your life and you can choose to wait until that moment you say you will do it (ie. when I save X amount of money, when I marry so and so, when I have kids, when...) OR you can stop thinking and do it now. Just set a date and do it. Close your eyes for a moment and picture the one thing you have always wanted to do. Is it moving somewhere? Is it learning something new? Changing your career? Anything, whatever your picturing, what's stopping you? Granted, some of what you are envisioning may involve a great deal of work and sacrifice but what is stopping you from starting? From walking towards your goal starting right now? Our biggest hurdle is ourselves. We place all these conditions and parameters in order to take that leap. Why would we sabotage ourselves? Because we operate on FEAR! Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of pain. But haven't we all failed, been rejected and felt pain anyway? So if in the process of reaching for that one adventure we stumble, we fall and we have to start over isn't it worth just knowing that you gave it your all? To know that if you die tomorrow and have no regrets, isn't it worth that risk? It was for me...

I had plenty to risk. I was two months pregnant, I was climbing the corporate ladder and I was attaining wealth and status at a very early stage in my life. All of it is now in the past. I have my son now, I no longer work (part or full time) and status and wealth are no longer in my radar. I risked it all and now I feel like I have a chance to live the life I was meant to live not the one I was pressured into living. We all have crazy dreams and we all have dreams we can pursue. You know the difference and you have the power to pursue them. Your life can become a white canvas when you so choose, you can start over on your own terms. Don't wait until life throws you a curve ball and you HAVE to change it, do it now and don't look back.

Money might be your second largest hurdle. Its a necessary evil, we all need and without it it's hard to get what we want. If your vision is centered on that then maybe that's what you need to change. Money, status and wealth was our design. Happiness is deeper than money. People cover up their sadness with objects but lose their souls in the process. Reach for love, reach for peace and true joy -- these things are free and available for you to attain when you're ready. Make those changes, you know what they are. Stability in things is overrated. Live life light! Discard the things that weigh you down and reach for the sun. Learn to love your life, it's a blank canvas, you add the color.

What color is time?

Once again, it has been quite a while since I write. Again, lots has happened since I last wrote. In another tiny nutshell here's the breakdown: I gave birth to my amazing son Angelo Salvatore, I once again decided to move back to the US and in the midst of it all I am still searching for answers. I remain unable to give you a clear perspective on this journey. All I can say is that I follow my heart wherever it takes me. 2010 in Italy was absolutely amazing and totally necessary. I needed to know what it was like! Although, due to circumstances beyond my control (immigration, economy and family) I am back to once more starting over. A child changes everything but a lot remains the same from the day I began this amazing journey. I still want a simple life, I still abhor materialism and superficiality. However, money is a necessary evil and in order to see my family often and allow my child to have a relationship with them I had to move back here because my husband's salary wouldn't have been enough to visit as often as we'd like. All this running around has left me with one wish I can't fulfill. Can I please freeze time? It all seems to be happening so quickly! I left, I gave birth, I came back and it all seems to have happened so fast. Why do you think that is? And now, as I watch my little one's milestones and his rapid growth I wonder what I can do to slow it all down a bit... I WANT TO SAVOR IT ALL! But thinking it through now, if my desire in all of this is to freeze time, then I must be having fun. I am actually enjoying my life. If it was horrible I would want it to all just speed by. So what have I really done this year? I have been learning to be happy and cherish every second of my life. I am learning to live like I'm dying (totally stole that from a song).

I want to read, write, paint and sing more. But for now all those things can wait because watching my little one grow is taking all of my time and there's nothing more beautiful and amazing than watching him grow close to the people I love. Plus, I will be making sure I savor life, even if it means doing crazy things like breastfeeding at the Colosseum (see pic). So I guess what I am saying is that I am still not going to be that consistent blogger I want to be and this is, I guess, my apology; but I will be watching my little one blossom, visit as many places as possible with my amazing life partner and with that being very happy. So farewell until the next time, hopefully soon, but if not in the meantime I hope you're out there cherishing EVERY second of your life too because they are all precious.

Color 8: The color of freedom isn't always red, white and blue.

It's been a few months since I write and it's certainly not because of lack of material. It's quite the opposite, so much has happened. In one sentence: I sold everything, I moved to another continent and in the process found out I was pregnant. To add some shadowing to my interesting picture, the undertones of all of it are even more life-changing. I realized how much I really love my husband, what an amazing man he is. I realized that material things really don't matter, and I feel it in my gut. I realized what it means to be a christian. And I reaffirmed what I've always felt, I really don't know anything. There are so many variables that define who we are and what we believe. We hold on to the things that validate what we want to believe and that's how most of us hold on to truths. But what if we open our eyes to see beyond that and take a leap? What if we allowed ourselves to be malleable to the point where every experience was a new opportunity to find new truths? It would be scary. It is really scary. To know that what you know and what you believe to be true can become a lie in seconds. That's what the past year has been for me. But the funny thing is uncertainty has actually given me the greatest sense of peace I've ever felt. Freedom is finding peace in knowing that I can't control anything but I can find joy in everything if I so choose.

Leaving my home, America, was not an easy decision. It was something that had to come from deep within me. My husband had the first inspiration to move about a year and half ago. We had visited Europe a few times and realized we spent 50 weeks of our year looking forward to and planning two. It's like the backpack analogy from "Up in the Air," if you were to put everything you own, from the smallest things to your house, your car, how much does that weigh you down and disable you to the point of being unable to move? We fill our lives with things and are confident that these are the things that will make us happy. But what of experiences? What of living life, really living it? Do you REALLY need a house with a white picket fence and a minivan in the driveway to make your 2.5 children happy, to make yourself happy? Is that the formula? Is that really freedom? Come to find out for me, it wasn't. I had the house on the lake, a dog, new cars, a canoe and a chopper all before the age of 30. I had the American Dream on steroids. But as a person, was this contributing to my betterment, was it really making me whole or free? The reality was this, I had a mortgage, a car payment, a job where I compromised my beliefs -- a superficial life. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed all of it. I bought into the hype, the social cues that said this was happiness. And in many ways I was happy even beyond the social brain wash. But all those things were crutches. I needed to find true happiness beyond things. I needed to remove myself from the consumerist, materialist and superficial mentality that things shape our lives.

The American Dream defines freedom as life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. When did that translate into having a home, a dog, two cars and 2.5 children? So life, what is really living life? Giving 25 to 30 years of work for someone else's pocket to get fat, so you can then maybe payoff that mortgage and wait 'till your wrinkly to actually see the world and enjoy your spouse? So you work, you procreate, you work some more and then you die? Being productive and filled with crap -- Is that living, is that success? It certainly isn't liberty. Your tied down by responsibilities; the more stuff you have, the more you have to worry about. Oh, and then there's good 'ol pursuit -- just pursuit, not attainment. It's the chase, running after it like that bunny on the dog track. Forgive me, but I think true freedom comes from the attainment of happiness. But what makes us happy, I mean REALLY happy? Can it really come from outside things or does it just come down to what we do with what we are given? My brother said to me once: "Rich is not the person who has the most but the one that makes the most of what he's given." He was referring to my pre-furnished studio apartment in Italy which is the size of my old bedroom in Florida. I have a speck of what I had before, but I am the richest I have ever been. I am more free because I have less. In today's FB post Paulo Cohelo said this: "Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose my commitments." Well damn it, then I am more free than ever. I have less than ever but I get to pick my path, to pursue my passions, to enjoy my family, my pregnancy. I am less bound to unnecessary responsibilities and more open to what's next. I finally live within my means, I don't owe anyone anything.

I am grateful and proud to be American, it gave me opportunities I could've only dreamed of if I would've stayed in Colombia. I hope I am not misunderstood. I just have new truths and I am grateful for what I have had and lived. If it wasn't for my ability to achieve the American Dream I couldn't sit here now writing about something beyond that. I am more American than anything else but I needed to leave America and the way of life there to experience true freedom. A blue passport gave me the opportunity but it was beyond those stars and stripes that I found true freedom.